Lots of this, that, and the other

I've been meaning to blog more but with Jason leaving me alone at work and moving into my own place where I don't have internet, it's been difficult to find time but here we are, on a slow work day, and Kelsey and Sarah have inspired me to update with their recent surge of blogging.

This is going to be a jumbled up mess since lots of big deal things have happened here recently. We'll start with my birthday and go from there I guess.

Last blog I mentioned getting approved for a home loan, we'll get that in a second but first the craziest thing I did over the summer. I GOT A TATTOO! I almost can't believe it either. As I was taking mountainous leaps to becoming an adult and not knowing what any of the future held for me, I sucked up all the fear and anxiety I was feeling and gave all the stress a big old FU in the form of a tiny blue star on my left wrist. Britney went with me the day after my birthday and I was SOOO scared. People continue to ask what it means. At the beginning, it was only a symbol of me facing my fears and doing something for me. Not the star itself but the fact that I did it. I looked up what the typical meaning of it would mean to other people and it falls in line with their thinking too. Usually meaning a new beginning. While I didn't start my life over, I feel its a symbol of me taking control of my life the way I have over the past year and a half.

Shortly there after, I bought my very first home. It's an amazingly beautiful 2 bedroom townhouse on the outskirts of Smyrna, half way between Murfreesboro and Nashville and only 2.6 miles from the interstate. It's peaceful and decorated like me. No art has no meaning, be it a hockey card, newspaper, or photo, it's all mine. I have no problem saying I only spent 70k on it either... break that down and my mortgage is less than my old roommates 1 bedroom apartment. (though, it did just recently appraise for 90k) I feel like I'm doing what I should be in life. I'm not overly frugal with my money but I'm also very good about making sure that bills come first and don't buy or commit to things I can't or shouldn't.

Last week I got a cat named Sissy, I believe her full name is now Cheli Sissy True as in "Chelios is a Sissy". It fits, I think. She is an extremely lovable and fat tabby cat. I'm still in the early stages of getting to know her but I think it will work out with her. Her previous owner couldn't keep her moving into his new home so I adopted her.

Other things have happened, mostly work related but I've run out of time for right now, hopefully I can keep this going, especially since hockey season is here!

I only thought my life was stressful before...

Seriously. The things I have pulling at my brain and my heart and everything else are far more than I thought I'd be dealing with 3 days before I turn 25.

Yesterday, I was pre-approved for a home loan. I'm about to be a first time home buyer. That's scary. I know in my head where I want to live, just have to find the right place. 8 months ago I was packing up my stuff to get out of dodge as cheap as possible and now everything is changing again. I guess we're about to find out how grown up I am. Would be nice if my roommate would act like an adult instead of keeping mum about his problems. He's apparently broke. If I hadn't been approved, it would have been a real issue when it came time to sign a new lease.

Work has changed. Jim was fired. Crazyness is going on in the upper levels of dealership world. I deal with a lady who, as far as I'm concerned, hates my living guts for no reason. IT is probably reading this. *bugged internet* What's her problem? I do my work. I do 3 times as much as your other "receptionists" and I'm the one picked on? Thanks. I don't remember the last time we had a good day at work. One thing or another comes along to fuck it all up at some point. In the past 3 days, Andy has failed to get glass out of a car that that was the reason it was here, I've lost a set of very expensive keys, and myself and Jay have both been very close to going off.

I've been single, pretty much forever. I try not to fall for people too hard, I've learned my lesson courtesy of a shattered heart, especially since the people I have a tendancy to fall for are close friends first. Wish I had continued to listen to my own advice. Speak up about it and it ruins friendships. Again, shattered heart. At the moment, I'm falling hard and I'm scared of hitting rock bottom with this one. Random calls in the middle of a Saturday. Making sure I'm okay when I'm going out. Always asking what I did the night before. Hell, I'm probably reading waaayyy more into things than I should and I tell myself that and then it happens again. I'm so unbelieveably confused. I'm completely in uncharted waters. I'm happy to see that my heart is capable of working again but it's doing overtime right now.

All by myself

The past two weeks or so have really started to weigh heavily on me. The new owners/managers at work have me paranoid to do anything wrong and for good reason... they can fire me at the drop of a hat and this scares the crap out of me. I'm currently mentally battling all the thoughts of things that could come back and bite me in the ass. I'm very careful about doing things without asking at my job. I make sure if I offer someone a deal on something that I run it by my boss first. Looking back, while I got approval, I have no proof. I have nothing recorded showing that I didn't just do something on my own. I really hope that none of these fears are ever brought to reality but anything is possible.

To make matters worse for myself, I swore off drinking after New Years Eve Eve. I never intended on honoring this 100%. I've sworn off drinking several times in the past and it never really stuck. Instead of planning on keeping that promise, I made a promise to myself as my new years resolution. That resolution is to not drink to get drunk or drink because I "need" one. I don't like thinking that I need a drink. It actually scares me and what's even scarier is how much I've wanted one recently. I'm barely over a month without one and I've been wanting one for the past 2 weeks... since shit went down at work.

Last night I broke down. I stupidly started thinking about how things were when I was little. I had such a great childhood and it tears me apart to think about how it was. Instead of being constantly surrounded by people that love me and understand me, I'm all alone now and it sucks.

so...

I love living away from home but it's days and times like this that I get very much homesick. In my 24 and 1/2 years of being alive snow has been my favorite. Always. The 2 times in my "adult" life that I've had enough to be excited about, I've been stranded from the people that I want to share it with. The first was my senior year in high school, living away from home, I-24 was shut down and I couldn't get back homehome for 3 days. Today is #2. I've kept my curtain open in my bedroom and just watched the snow fall and all of the kids and dogs play in it and it's made me kind of depressed instead of happy. I'm stuck in this apartment by myself and even if I wasn't physically alone, emotionally I am. Yes. There is a man that sleeps in the next room and more often than not we sit and watch tv together but that's the end of it. We're not even friends. I'm thankful for him because I can't afford to truly be alone but it doesn't stop it from sucking. I need an animal to keep me company. Maybe Sunday I'll go buy a fish... he can't really play in the snow though...

Thank You 2009

It's been awhile since I've written anything for this blog. I don't even know if people read it. It's like an internet diary so it's more for me anyway.

I feel like I need to thank 2009. I haven't gone back but I'm pretty sure I wrote a blog the beginning of last year asking for the year to make me fearless. I'm not 100% there yet but I have grown leaps and bounds over what I was capable of in January of 2009. Notably, I moved out, moved in with a member of the male species, and bought a car. I'm still single but I don't own a cat so it's not too late for me, yet. I pretty much decided that I needed to be a grown up and I have no problem saying I'm there. Yes, I'm still very much immature in the personality department but that's going to take time. I think I just need to learn to shut up, too often I reflect on what I've said and tear myself apart about why I've said it. As far as doing things right, I pay my bills each month and try my best to save money to offset any frivolous spending I do. Most recently, I've decided that I can cook meat. After 4 months of eating vegetarian and pre-cooked meat dishes, I tried my hand at cooking meat and I can do it! Not a big deal for most but I was very excited about this. No if only it wasn't so expensive to not buy in bulk.

The whole living with a guy thing has made it a little easier to talk to guys. I don't know why that's such a problem for me. I'm one of the guys at home with Dad and Nick (shoot, I was Daddy's little girl), I grew up with more guy friends than girls, I only work with guys, and now I live with one. It shouldn't be as difficult as I make it but I do. I get all spastic and sound like a bumbling idiot and it's never them trying to start the conversation which puts me back into the line of thinking with "He's Just Not That Into You", which btw, has ruined my line of thinking when regarding relationships. Thanks crappy, overly star filled, chick flick movie that I should have never seen.

Back to thanking things, not blaming them. I also bought a car. It's not so much that I got a car. It's that I was fully able to get it myself. No co-signer, no down payment, no help from anyone. I asked for the loan and got it. That's got to show how responsible I've been... you know, outside of my thousands of dollars in student loans.

I was recently informed that my roommate is going to have to re-up the lease in May and was told he would still need a roommate if I wanted/needed to stay. That has taken a huge weight off of my shoulders. I had been stressing over how I was going to do it myself. In the future, I'll be able to but there's some uncertainty at work right now and I'm so glad that I'm not having to go sign a lease by myself right now. I really hope that things go the way I need them to go at work. We've been "taken over" by a local store by the same name (not going into the logistics of the auto dealer industry) and from my prospective as a lowly receptionist who does everything, I think it's a good thing. I just need State Farm to sign on with us.

So there's my thank you to 2009 and a small update on my life at the moment.

Tim McGraw doesn't like Nashville people.

They found a dead body in a dumpster at my apartment.

How's that for a quick catch up? I'm fine, David's alive, I assume it wasn't his girlfriend since it was a male(though I haven't seen her since)... that's the only people I know that are around there. It's still off-putting. Judging by how difficult it was to track down the article on the Tennessean web page, I guess it's old news now. Old news or not, my mom is freaked and I'm even more afraid to open my front door when I'm supposed to be there alone.

Tim McGraw's tour is NOT coming to Nashville. That's pretty sucky in my opinion... dude, you live here part time. You have a gigantic-o mansion in the middle of nowhere (the state farm guy told me) and have ties in Nashville but you still can't make your tour work at any of the venues available? Not even to play like MTSU or some other college's football field? I know Starwood closed (which is gay) but you could have worked something out. Thankfully, he's playing in St. Louis on a Saturday. I'll be stalking Ticketmaster until I have a ticket in hand. I'd rather not go to St. Louis alone but would be fine with the concert part if I had to. I think I'd be creeped to stay in a hotel by myself though. As I have already written, I love him.

This weekend I'm dog sitting for Suzie and my streak of staying at Jenn's for the weekend continues. I wonder how long I can keep it up? I'm not inviting myself (well, not all of them) but it's so much nicer not hanging around my apartment creating un-needed awkwardness.

Adventures a Plenty!

I've never been one to go out and about. I like being home. It's cheap, you don't have to look nice if you don't want to, you can be yourself, etc but here lately I've been running like crazy! That's typically how it works during hockey season. I give up so many other social activities to afford tickets so naturally, I make the most of each night.

Starting last Monday, I've not been at home without company a single day which is very unusual for me. Besides hockey games and the Keith Urban concert I've also gone to Chattown and Hendersonville.

Driving to and from Chatty on Sunday was an awesome mini get away with Jenn and Ella Gracey. I had a really good time driving up there and hanging out with them and can't wait to do it again. Clumpies had really great ice cream and male employees. Their WalMart was so clean and quiet and so not what it is here. She wouldn't stop singing that Blackeyed Peas song so I got "Candle on the Water" stuck in hers. All 3 of us wore our Preds players shirts and I'm sure we looked dorky but it was an awesome kind of dorky... and no, the Pred head is not the Titans symbol. BTW, I understand her missing living there but at the same time, I don't know if I could live there. I am a Nashville girl at heart. Always have been, always will be. I'm only 30 minutes from the city and I still don't feel close enough. Anyway, after making fun of the Titans losing, we stopped at Newk's and ate before they went on home. It was a really good day.

Monday, I spent the evening searching my old place for anything that would be acceptable to wear to a wedding on the lake in October. I think I've found something. I can't really afford to spend anything on one time wear clothes but I honestly don't have much of anything to wear. I did have one brown dress but it makes me look like I'm in my mid-30's instead of being 24.
Last night was Brit's shower. It was slightly awkward since I didn't know the other girls there. Hendersonville is a lot further than I thought it was too. I'm really happy for her and have no intention of letting her day be any more stressful than I imagine it already will be. Apparently, nobody else knew about the living arrangements as they stand thus far. Glad I didn't put my foot in my mouth since I'm notorious for doing that.

Tonight, I finally get to sit at home alone and watch a hockey game by myself (well, until around 8ish). I can say whatever I want, rewind back to whatever I want, text hot comments to whoever I want. It's gonna be a good night. :-)