I feel broken. I'm angry all the time. I hate my job. I see people in relationships and want to want what they have but when I try to envision it being me, I'm put off. I'm taken back to that glimpse I had when I was told "I just seemed so outgoing". Is that what everyone thinks? I can't be the norm. I'm scared and anxious and perfectly content not facing my fears. I'm counting down to London like everything will suddenly get better the day i fly out. I know it's a lie. After 10 days away I'll get to face the reality of my shitty job and fucked up relationships I have with people but for 10 days I get to be the adventurous, unafraid girl that i want to be. I don't want to be 30. Turning 30 with so little accomplished and experienced. I'm literally the jokes that are made. The crazy lady that grows old with her cats. How can i love who i am and hate who i am at the same time?