Feel so low you can't feel nothing at all

It's awkward again. I shouldn't say again. One 30 minute conversation doesn't equate to things being great. I'd rather there be some animosity or something than the nothing that is happening right now. When I watch tv, he goes to his room. When they watch tv, I go to my room. At least when I was home, I had people around me. I was social. Who cares if it was with an 11 year old? She's the fucking coolest 11 year old to walk the planet and is my baby sister. I bragged about her being born in the seventh grade. Everyone thought it was so cool that my mom, Kelly's mom, the cool mom, was going to have another baby. I miss her. I miss her telling me to watch Helen when she goes to the bathroom. I miss her tucking in her baby with my bunny before she goes to school every morning. I miss her begging to sleep with me every night. I even miss her high pitch squeal she breaks the silence with at the most obnoxious moments. She's my girl and I miss her. I feel bad for leaving her at home. I can't imagine having to deal with that at her age. Hell, at her age I was planning my wedding to JTT and watching Disney movies and Nickelodeon. She's growing up to fast and I'm scared that I'm going to miss it now.
I miss Nick too. I miss him trying to seem annoyed with me but not being able to hold back a laugh even when he was genuinely mad at something else. I miss randomly coming home to him saying "guess what" and me already knowing what the Preds did but acting like I didn't know to make him think he had beat me to news. He's a senior this year and I have no idea what he's going to do afterwards. He better not move away.
Of course I miss my mom and dad. They've been so great about all of this. Knowing that I need to do this but making sure I know I'm welcome over for dinner or tv or just to hang out when ever I want or need too. I've been over 3 times. Once to watch the BB finale, once to pick up my Preds tickets and again on Sunday to bring Macy home.
I miss my Muffin too. When I walked in Sunday she was so excited. She nudged her head under my hand to where I had to pet her.
I know I'm strong enough to be a grown up but things are really weighing on me right now. Work is insane. Not that I'm complaining or should be but it's rough. I think my boss is PMSing right now and it's driving me crazy. Knowing that I have a rent payment now is making me nervous to do anything wrong that could jeopardize my job. Again, not that I do things I shouldn't but it doesn't make me any less paranoid. Being homesick and having a hermit for a roommate are obviously factors too. I also feel like I'm being avoided or that people don't want to talk to me. I've not done anything and don't even know if the vibes I'm getting are valid but it's eating at me too. I feel like people are mad at me for no reason.
I'm lonely and it sucks. I've never been a loner. I like to be surrounded by people that enjoy my company and at the moment I don't feel like too many people want to be around me.