sucky, sucky, sucky, suck.

That's been my week (well, except for last night which was amazing!). I hope things get better. I don't think they will anytime soon though. In fact, I know they're about to get a whole lot worse which makes this the suckiest suckfest ever X 20.

It's almost Christmas. A time where I am happy-go-lucky no matter what and always look forward to but this year is different. I'd be perfectly content just skipping the whole thing and I hate that. I want to cry thinking about how it's just snuck up on me. I want to cry because our house isn't decorated this year. I want to cry because I don't even know if my Gran's tree is up. I want to cry because I don't have gifts for anyone and that's crap. I don't even care about gifts. In the past we've wrapped a box of Slim Jims because my dad was hell bent on us not buying anything for him and we couldn't afford to anyway. We've not made Chex Mix or watched "A Muppet Christmas Carol" or any Christmas movies for that matter. All we've done is crashed after getting home from sucky days at work. Macy doesn't need to remember her childhood Christmas' this way. She's probably only got 1 more year of truely believing in Santa left. She may go along with it for 2 more but this is probably it and then it's over in our family. All the looking for Rudolph's nose, leaving cookies (and carrots) for Santa, sending dad down the hall first, etc. it's all going to be over. And now fuck. I'm crying at work. That's not what was supposed to happen by writing this, I was supposed to be wasting the last 30 minutes of my shift. Crap.

Also, instead of having family time, time where I can 100% be myself without worrying if I'm being judged by anyone, we're having family + Neil time. Screw that. Way to make Christmas awkward! It's not even so much that he will be there but that NOBODY thought to tell me... or thought that it was something that should be told to me prior to Christmas Eve. Alcohol is going to be my best friend and that's not good.

In addition to that news, I got news that a co-worker (name withheld for the inocent) got a new job. I'm really going to miss him. I'm upset but not at him. I'm happy for him. That would be totally selfish if I was mad at him about it. I'm glad he gets to move back where his family is, I just wish that things were tolerable without him and that is definately not how things are. A new suckfest will begin after Christmas is over. At least I have hockey tickets to keep my a happiness points up a few notches.

BTW, I went to St. Louis LAST Monday. I'm so that girl. Whatever. They stunk it up in the final 4 minutes and made the drive back in dry contacts hell. Thanks guys! God, I hope they win tonight.